Holiday Stress: Staying Grounded When Family Dynamics, Grief, and Traditions Feel Complicated

The holidays are often portrayed as a joyful season of togetherness, but when your relationship with family of origin is complicated, it can be easy to feel triggered, activated, or emotionally “younger” than you’d like to be.

This time of year can also magnify grief and amplify stress—whether that’s financial pressure, the invisible organizational load you’re carrying, or the tension of trying to meet expectations that don’t fit your life anymore. Traditions that once felt normal can start to clash with your current reality, needs, values, parenting choices, or capacity.

If you notice yourself feeling more reactive, more shut down, or more on edge, you’re not alone. Often, it’s a sign that younger parts of you are getting stirred up and your nervous system is doing its best to protect you. Here are a few practical ways to support yourself through holiday stress.

When younger parts get activated, reconnect with your most resourced adult self

Each of these practices take just 30-60 seconds, and can help you shift into a more resourced a grounded state.

1. Orient to the present: Look around and slowly name a few neutral things you can see—colours, shapes, objects. Let your eyes land on something that feels pleasant or steady. Take a few slow breaths and notice how your body responds. Feel your feet on the ground and notice the support under you (the chair, the floor, the wall). This helps your nervous system register: “This is now, not then.”

2. Adult posture, adult breath: Gently lengthen your spine and soften your shoulders—just enough to give your system a cue of steadiness and remind yourself you’re a capable adult in the present. Then try cyclical sighing: take a slow inhale, add a second small inhale at the top, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat a few rounds as needed. Many people find this settles activation quickly.

3. Compassionately “unblend” from parts: If you’re feeling agitated, anxious, lonely, or flooded, try attributing the experience to a part rather than your whole self: “A younger part of me is feeling ______ right now.” Then add: “That makes sense.” The point is simply to acknowledge and validate. Often, a part softens when it feels seen and understood.

4. Ask your adult self: “What’s my next wise step? Not the perfect step—just the next one. It might be getting a glass of water, stepping outside for air, changing the subject, sitting near someone who feels safer, or deciding you’ll leave earlier than planned. Even small choices can be regulating because they restore a sense of agency.

   
   

When grief is present, let it be both-and

Grief often gets louder during the holidays. You might miss someone. You might miss the way your family used to be, or the way you wish it had been. You might feel moments of joy and then feel guilty, or feel numb and wonder what’s “wrong.”

From a somatic perspective, grief doesn’t need to be forced or fixed. It often needs space, in doses that are tolerable. If emotion rises, try staying anchored in your body: feel your feet, notice your breath, place a hand where you feel the ache (chest, throat, belly), and let the feeling move at its own pace. You don’t have to process everything to be with what’s true.

A short “after” practice to help your body settle

Even if a gathering goes smoothly, your nervous system may still carry residual activation afterward. When you get home, try a brief downshift: change into comfortable clothes, dim the lights, take two slow exhales, and do something sensory (warm tea, a shower, a blanket). If it feels right, gently shake out your hands and arms for 20–30 seconds—just enough to signal to your body that it can come out of “holding it together.”

A gentle permission slip: good enough is enough

If you’re navigating complicated family relationships, shifting traditions, holiday-related triggers, or grief, the holidays don’t have to be magical. They can be manageable. You’re allowed to simplify, take breaks, do things differently, and prioritize what supports your wellbeing now.

Whatever the holidays look like for you this year, you’re allowed to do them in a way that supports your wellbeing. If you’d like support navigating holiday triggers or grief, we’re here. Feel free to reach out or book a consultation to explore what might be helpful.